She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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