Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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