I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
