I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
