ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need moral support for this bender
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
