it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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