She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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