i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
