the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
