I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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