Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
