I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
