I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
