went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In other news, I just burned my penis
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
