**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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