i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
