According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
