Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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