I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rumble strips road head = magical
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
