I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
