well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
