They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
