Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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