Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
