Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
