Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
