So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
