We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
