I cockslap morals
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
