I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
