1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
