there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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