You're earring is so big in my mouth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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