clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
