you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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