yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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