are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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