no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
