He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
