I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
