Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
