you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
