If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
