So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
