It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize