the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
