Rock
Scissors
Fuck
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
