Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
