he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
