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If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize