Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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