she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
