Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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