eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
