If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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