oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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