It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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