Someone shit on the floor
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
