Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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