I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
