"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
