Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
