The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
