I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do herpes really smell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
