Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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