If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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