why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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