My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
