Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
