you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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