last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
