I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
