She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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