you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
