My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize