Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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