Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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