Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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