When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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