So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
