woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
there is glitter all over my balls
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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