im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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