He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
