I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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