Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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