they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
