Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
