Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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